Sir Eats A Lot’s Legendary Eating
My Appalachian Trail hiker name is Sir Eats A Lot, because I was known for running shirtless with a gigantic military pack and eating nonstop even while running. My reputation as an eater goes back to bootcamp and before. In college, Bidness and I used to run six miles, and then sit down, split a gallon of milk, and eat a dozen donuts each or sit down to eat a two pound steak, split a five pound bag of potatoes, and a few ears of corn. Unfortunately, I was a twenty year old kid who hadn’t mastered fasting and micro-macro nutrient manipulation, so I gain sixty pounds easily.
When Takeru Kobayashi won the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, I began training to beat Kobayashi’s unreachable record. Thank God, Joey Chestnut quickly came onto the scene, because I wasn’t going to let a little Japanese guy hold the record. Thank you Joey. You’re a real American hero. But unfortunately, my eating habits come from a childhood of being starved. I wasn’t starved my entire childhood, but the times when I was neglected of food and water programmed me to binge eat and drink when food and beverage are available, because you never know when you will eat your next meal. In the group homes, you had to eat fast or the food was gone, and in the Marine Corps, you had to eat fast or you end up dead.
At recruit training we were allowed a finite period of time to eat, so you had to eat fast or you wouldn’t eat at all. Of course, this also meant those at the front of the line had the most amount of time to eat. As a result, soon as we were dismissed from formation, I sprinted to the chow hall doors pushing the other recruits out the way or slamming them into walls and the chow hall’s exit doors.
And I’m not going to like, I was a lot like Eugene Jerome’s character in Biloxi Blues with my smart ass mouth and perfect timing. I would smash a fellow recruit into the closed glass doors or side window panels, and then the other recruit would try to fight me, but the drill instructor would see the recruit with the problem and not me, so instead of being in line to eat, the recruit would you get yanked up by a drill instructor and brought to the sandpit for extra military instruction. Meanwhile, I was at the front of the line getting whatever food I could fit on my tray. I can’t imagine how much I ate daily at bootcamp, but I do know I got into beefs with plenty of recruits, because no one gets between me and food.
When I began my 2019 Appalachian Trail thru-hike, I was about one hundred and ninety pounds, and when I finished thru-hiking, I was on hundred and ninety pounds. Most days, I hiked seventeen to twenty-three miles, but I did hike forty-six miles in one day, and I didn’t lose a pound, because I ate, and I ate. I am a professional eater, so the reason why I work out so much is because I like to eat, and that’s why they call me Sir Eats A Lot or S.E.A.L. for short.